Celebrating 8

 In a few days we will be celebrating our 8th year wedding anniversary with my hubby aka baby daddy. If you know us on a personal level you know at times the struggle was real! If you know us from social media you might get the impression our marriage is perfect. Wrong!!! Everyone on social media or in life likes to talk about the positive. They show the amazing vacations, the endless amounts of jewelry their significate other bought them, the designer purses, new cars, new homes, etc. But the reality, the part they left out is this is WORK. Marriage is hard! No one writes that in the cute little cards they gave you on your wedding day. Yeah I heard the first year is the hardest which I can testify was definitely true. But they never give you the nitty gritty they never tell you the ugly.
  The number 8 in the Bible represents a new beginning. This year that is exactly what we got, A new beginning! Our life has been a crazy ride. We have 4 crazy tiny humans with one who hit the haunting age of teenager and another who joined double digits. That is scary in itself. But this year we've had some crazy changes, unexpected events some extremely happy some extremely sad.
With life like always comes twist and turns. But even with all the crazy we've stayed sane. I use to always hear from my relatives, friends who have been married far more years than us that communication is key. That is so true. But my issue use to be if he said what was different that what I wanted to hear my ears some how closed and nothing he said was valid. I learned that is not proper communication. Its hard to hear another person tell you when you are wrong but for it to be the person you love the one you birthed children for its another kind of ugh. I had to learn to listen like I would when my best friend would call and need me. Why was it that I was willing to drop everything and listen without judgement to her but when he said it I was offended? See in our perfect marriage story that is far from perfect our beginning started off not so perfect.
  Roughly 9 years ago I was a single mom with 1 little girl whos father was extremely abusive and 1 little boy who's father did not want him from the time that pregnancy test said positive. I was hurt so damaged carrying baggage and scars literally and figuratively. Than he came. We shared visions, dreams and hopes for the future and we made promises that we would wait until marriage. Than we didn't and baby number 3 was on the way. I had imagined a wedding barefoot on the beach with my 2 little humans and here I was engaged pregnant with baby number 3 and still not healed completely. A month after our wedding we delivered a healthy chubby baby boy. That first year was rough! We had so many obstacles in our way. Custody hearings, me still damages working through issues and hurts that had nothing to do with him. But we made it!
  The next few years came with roller coasters. But none that we had not conquered before. Nothing could shake us until it did. I was rushed into emergency surgery after being told we were pregnant with baby number 4. No one prepares you for that loss. Than the next miscarriage followed soon after and no matter the pep talks it doesn't make the hurt stop. Than the third baby I lost I felt I lost a huge piece of me. Depression and just anger set in. It was super easy to put on a smile infront of family and follow it with excessive drinking at night. Being able to vocalize how painful those losses were just wasn't something I really knew how to do. I had dreams for those babies, hopes and when I lost them I lost those. Those years were some of our roughest. I can remember us going to church and telling our Pastor that I was mad at God. She took my hand prayed for me and told me to hold on because God had promised us a baby and that baby will come. Than she came. Our rainbow baby! Her pregnancy was my toughest. Endless nights of throwing up. Er visits so often they knew us. Strict bedrest was the worst!! You would hold my hand or my hair when I puked. You reassured me that she was okay when I would worry if she didn't kick. You listened when the nurses came to our home. You took care of the kids, cooked did it all. She was born perfect! We would joke she would rule the house and sure enough she has been since she was born. Those few years were some of our stormiest that produced the most beautiful rainbow and we made it.
  Our start might not have been a picture perfect fairytale but what good story ever is? I love the fact that I can be me and never once was I told it wasn't good enough. I love that I can have the most random idea to water paint with the kids and without question everything but music is turned off and you are painting with us. I love that if I feel less than you remind me who God called me to be. I love that even on our darkest days you hold my hand. I love that you took my babies and without question you made them yours. I love that stepdad is not even in your vocabulary. I love how you are a gentle giant. I love how in areas I am weak you are strong. I think after all these years no matter the hard days or bad days the good ones should always outweigh the bad. Those couples who have been married for 30+ years have it right...communications is key! Stop telling your best friend what you wouldn't tell your husband. That was hard for me to learn but man I am glad I did. I am excited to see what the next 8 years of work aka marriage look like.