Leaving a Legacy

  Today I woke up at 5am with the question.....What am I doing? Not so much concerned with the fact I woke up at 5am on  Sunday, but in life. I know the obvious I am a wife, stay at home mom and business owner. I know that I am living each day and raising my kids, but what I am doing?
  This weekend has been filled with the question who am I? I had the amazing opportunity to attend an event with my friend more of a sister at her church. It was a masquerade ball not knowing to much info I accepted the invite knowing we would have an amazing time together as always. I had the blessing of watching beautiful dance performances, hearing beautiful testimonies, had the blessing of meeting the author of an amazing book called Authentically You Unveiling Your True Identity by Yubeka Riddick ( get the book if you don't have it). The night and message was great! Made me truly examine who I am and who God called me to be. Funny how when I question God whispers....Fearfully and wonderfully made- Psalms 139-14. For me remembering who I am also comes with bold hard flashbacks of who I was ....a hotmess! But God once again whispered He makes all things new- Revelations 21:5. Ironically I do the same with my kids. I've always told the tiny humans that whenever they are scared "who is in your heart?" their answer every time "God and Jesus". I want them to know now who they are and who's they are so when they are my age self doubt doesn't have the chance to bring them out of who they were called to be so often.
  Being a business owner I know that without work I will not get paid. Brings me back to bible without works faith is dead- James 2:14. If we do not apply what we know and walk in it than its pointless nothing will change. This has been a struggle for me, self doubt sparks up and literally holds me back. I've allowed it to cripple me in a way I pass up potential customers, I fail in the follow through and block a blessing my business could of provided. I was reminded Friday night I can do all things through Christ- Philippians 4:13. Self doubt rumbles up and rather than moving I stand still. the fear of what-ifs overcome me and movement forward is impossible. My daughter told me yesterday "Mom who is in your heart? Now stop being afraid".
  I know the dreams and promises God has planted in my heart. I know that he will make them come to past. I use to pray as a child for a husband to love me, for 4 children and 2 dogs. I wanted a God fearing man and I got him! Does that mean its been perfect haha NO, not at all but he's perfect for me. I use to pray for 4 babies and I got 4 here and 3 in heaven. Once again God stayed true to his word. Now with the 2 dogs that came true but added a cat and a gerbil.....told you God has a sense or humor. Truthfully the things he's planted in my heart and that I've learned to pray circles around (thanks to the book The Circle Maker....get it if you don't have it) scare me! At times I feel like me God......really? Are you sure you want these things for me? To argue with God sounds silly but that's our relationship he gets me! But I know he's given me these dreams and promises because they are mine. He's shown me them so many times and so many times I've ran to the side rather than forward. This morning as I asked what am I doing? And had that self down spark up he reminded me to have faith if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, move from here and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.- Matthew 17:20.
  I truly feel that this season in my life God has surrounded me with the most amazing God fearing woman who I am so blessed and honored to call friends because he knows I need them to help these dreams come to pass. That he knew I needed to learn to take off my mask and just be who he called me to be. So back to what am I doing? I guess I've been finding who I am supposed to be to prepare for what God has for me. I want to leave a legacy for these tiny humans that isn't covered in what-ifs and self doubt. That they know yes sometimes we can get so caught up we might forget but deep down we know what we know because God told us. Never to stay in self doubt for to long always hold scripture close to our heart. That your circle of friends will either help you make you the man/woman God called you to be so you can reach your dreams or they will hinder you and the journey will be that much harder. That every temptation comes with a consequences. That perfection does not exist outside of Jesus. That you will fall and sometimes it will be hard but get up and keep moving the scars and bumps are proof you are a warrior. That the best is yet to come but you have to keep moving (just keep swimming, swimming in my dory voice). That you are a child of the most high and are capable of anything!