Momma Bear

  As mama bear in my house making sure my babies are taken care of is the most important thing. Like any mama bear the way they feel is important. Never do I want one of my lil babies to feel less than the other. I try my hardest not to compare the 4. I know they are all different so I don't want to put pressure on them to be like the other. I love their personalities.
  My miss Taliyah has this spark its calming, unique, at times perfect, its like she is this old soul who is so wise. If I fall behind spiritually she will call me on it. If I am hard on myself she will call me on it. If my cooking needs more salt she will definitely call me on it. Her and I have grow up together. Being a young mom was definitely different. Having a baby at 20 years old and turning 21 two months later was never how I pictured life. Our first year together was tough. Being in an abusive relationship is no place for anyone especially a child. So her and I have definitely had some bumps in the road but they only brought us closer. She is truly a gift.
  My Andre cool j is my little man. From birth he stole my heart. So chubby and cute who grew into mister sensitive. He will always ask if my feet are sore and if I need them rubbed. He will rub my shoulders and grab all the groceries for me if I have some left in the car. He will pray over our family and ask a zillion questions and wait for you to have the answers to them. He loves video games to the point if he is playing one he is literally in the game no sitting still for him. He is up jumping and dodging getting a full workout in while playing. He can drive me crazy and melt my heart. Taliyah adored him from the time he was born and he adored everything about daddy still does.
  My Kaiyana has been a diva since pregnancy. Prior to her pregnancy we had 2 miscarriages and a tubal pregnancy so when the test said positive I cried my eyes out in happiness but mainly fear. I didn't want to love her like I loved the other babies because what if I lost her however at the same time knowing God I knew she would be born. Her pregnancy was by far the toughest I developed hyperemesis gravidarum which is nothing like morning sickness. The feeling nauseous and wanting to throw up yes is the same except I puked always. Smells would bug me, noise, colors basically life made me sick. With vomit came headaches which turned to migraines which turned to er visits. Er visits became so frequent er doctors knew who I was and what I needed just from seeing us walk in. The struggle was real. All this included strict bedrest by time I was around 5 months pregnant. Strict bedrest with 3 other kids was no fun but they were all excited that this baby was growing and could not wait to meet her. As we all suspected from day one she was born and embraced the diva title to the fullest. She pretty much calls the shots with her siblings and they adore her.
  My Jojo is my little guy. His pregnancy was rough as well. He would kick as though a tiny ninja and shift my entire belly to find his dads voice. With him bedrest was also involved (my kiddos and their unwillingness to stay in the womb).  His birth was relaxing as crazy as that sounds but we had music playing and my family all around and as much as no pain meds were seeing him born and so healthy was worth every minute of pain. He was our advanced baby. We brought him home and of course do not leave your kids solo but lets face if when baby is a week old in the middle of the bed where can they go if you have to run to pee? No where right? ugh wrong!!!!! We both walk back into the room to find this little man rolled over onto his belly. A week old and rolling onto the belly was nothing I had ever read in any baby book. This little guy would suck the nipples off bottles literally off the bottle. As you can imagine the struggle with breast feeding was almost unbearable. I looked to help from the doctor maybe it was something I was doing wrong but nope. Doctor looked at me and said "honey just get tough this kid is strong". SO he became bottle fed lol. He was in the baby jumper at 2 months not reaching the floor but still jumping everywhere. He was running not walking and into everything. Their were stages where everywhere we went he was a ninja. Mask, sword everything full blown ninja warrior in a target shopping cart. I felt protected at all times!

  All of my babies are different. They all have these different personalities. Different ways of learning and I try to embrace all of them. I don't want them to ever fit a mold I want them to be themselves. With that being said as the school year comes to an end and report cards are coming in we noticed one difference, not everyone is doing so great. We've had parent teacher conferences, we've tried different techniques and recently we've reached out to doctors. I am one of those people who will become interested in something and that is followed up with hours of research trying to learn more about it. Recently with all the conferences and trying to figure out what is going on and what is best for our kid we found adhd. Most parents including myself do not ever want anything to be wrong with your kids.....that was my first thought. After research and talking with teachers, doctors and other parents I understand nothing is wrong with my kids he just learns different that's okay.
  Today we had an evaluation and I had a mini melt down. I sat and heard my lil man talk about how he felt in school, how he felt about himself and I felt helpless. He's 5 I can't cradle him and protect him from his own feelings and the stigmas of the world but I can build him up and give him the tools and confidence to know everyone's different and that's okay. We are going the natural route no medicine will be included. So much of what goes in our babies bodies can effect them in the wrong way. My obsession with wanting to eat natural and non-processed was loved by the doctor. She recommend to stick with it and to slowly pull away gluten which we already have been. My little guy with have tough time at first knowing his dream of first grade will be on hold one year longer and some people may have a difference of opinion in that.....that's okay. This mama bear knows that a strong foundation, followed with confidence and a healthy diet that is going to help him will only pay off in the end. I will be sad when I have to break the news to him but I would be even more sad not embracing my tiny ninja's amazing personality and figuring out what's best for him.
  When I had first started this blog I had just been promoted to stay at home mom. This was all so new I was so use to working at the same job for eight years and most of the time hating it. I titled my blog "wtf am I doing?" because that was exactly how I felt. I had been a mom for years but a stay at home mom was all new. Now I am starting to see God's plan. These babies needed me way more than the fraud department and I needed them just as much. These past few months have not only been a challenge at times they have helped me grow so much. So I now realize I don't have to have all the answers no mom is perfect we are all just winging it trying to do the best we can.